The awareness of an impossible love
by barbabella
Summary: The circumstances leading to Elliot and Olivia to the awareness of feeling we have toward each other
1. The question

She was sitting in front of him, like every day, more than ten years, but today he seemed different: he had not spoken all day and the few times that her eyes met his, look away now a bit embarrassed.  
He did not know what he did to behave well to him. Usually could be angry, then in that case was always trying to provoke, but this time was different.  
-_ Hello papà_  
Elliot jumped to hear the voice of his figlio._E 'Did something happen? _ He asked as he jumped up from his chair.  
- No, I came because I need to talk with ...-  
-You can not wait to talk tonight with more time at home, "said Elliot glancing toward Olivia. As usual she was very discreet and avoided looking not to intrude.  
Actually, I came to talk to Olivia -  
Only then Olivia looked up from his computer screen to watch the two.  
Dickie went to Olivia's desk and asked if they could speak for themselves, Olivia nodded and motioned to follow her.  
-I came to apologize, I should never get that question have been appropriate-  
The embarrassment in the boy's voice made her realize that he was really sorry.  
-The truth is that you were questioning my relationship with my friend and I tried to test .-  
-You must not apologize to me it is normal you were worried. But I want to make sure that between me and your father there was never anything. He loves your mother and all his family there and would never do such a thing. I could never do it .-  
Olivia tried to make it clear to Dick that he should not doubt of their father, Kathy was in doubt the question of Katleen is believed that between Elliot and Olivia was that Elliot had told her about but she Kathy had sensed the attitude towards him.  
After a can Dickie Olivia greeted with a hug and returned to his father.

Elliot was too late when he rose to take his jacket-From time to go, come take you home-you said  
-Do not worry I can take a taxi, go home to your wife's late .-  
- Olivia really want to walk, I need to talk .-  
All the way to the house of Olivia neither opened his mouth,

It 'never slept with a colleague

He did nothing but think about the question that her son had done. Elliot could not explain because Dickie had asked a question like that, but the strangest thing he could not understand why from that day he could not look in her eyes.  
When turned off the engine came to the apartment but said nothing.  
-Want to go for a drink or want to talk to me in the car? -  
-I just wanted to know ... what he said Dickie ...- ... I tried to say but it was too difficult  
-You must not say anything, I have already talked to Dickie's all, "said Olivia chiarito. and later there was silence again  
"Why did you lie to my son," said Elliot without looking into his eyes.  
-What? - Asked incredulously.  
-Thou hast answered no, why? -  
"Why?" Do you really think your son is interested in my private life? What do you think I would get if you said yes? -  
Olivia could not believe he was angry because he lied to his son  
-If I had said yes you think would have believed me when I said this morning that among us there was never anything? -  
Elliot continued to keep his head down without answering  
"But what you want from me that push your wife not to trust me, you believe that you betray the me.E with 'why do you want? E-rispondi. almost cried  
Elliot was already angry with Olivia for what she had said to himself but also because in the end he could not understand why the choice of Olivia. But it was too late, he had to vent his anger and then whirled toward her and said, "How dare you think such a thing of the generator? I could never do that. I love my wife-  
-I know there is no need to tell me, rather than tell her that continues to me.-doubt and with a flick off the car and opens the door.  
Wait-I did not want Olivia, I avail ...-  
Forget-.- and went left alone.

He looked away from him perhaps he had committed the biggest mistake of his life. He knew that the day after Olivia had to leave for a conference and would return after a really in a difficult situation: she was angry with him and could not be clarified before one week.


	2. The return

This is my first fanfiction I hope you enjoy it.  
PS has been translated from Italian I hope there are not many mistakes thanks.

- - -  
Elliot was sitting at his desk staring at the chair opposite him was empty for over a had been detained because of a complicated case and had not was distracted by the ringing phone and Fin answered without thinking twice  
-Special Victims Unit-  
-Elliot? -  
-Olivia? - Could not believe how much time was was in contact with Fin? Why had not he called his still angry.  
I'm sorry-wrong number-  
No, not you called me early. Next time if you do not want to be safe, call him on the phone so you're not sure that I respond .-  
Olive had felt had hurt him early and not calling him, but she wanted to avoid talking on the phone with him because he could not look at it and see if he was still angry with lei.L 'last time they had quarreled.  
-Elliot did not want to say this, and you know .-  
-I do not know anything that concerns you .-  
-You can tell Cragen I come back in two days .-  
- Yes -  
-Are you okay? -  
Are you interested-serious? -  
-Why do you say so? -  
Well, maybe because if I had not answered the phone we never spoke of Fin .-  
Do not do that-.-  
-Like what?-Then after a moment's hesitation went on-You know what I have to go there sentiamo.-and hung up.

Two days had elapsed since he had spoken to Elliott and she could not forget the tone of his voice seemed angry and sad at the same time, perhaps still having problems with his wife or maybe just was bothered by a difficult case.  
-Are you okay? -  
The man next to her sensed that something was not this month Olive had faced a difficult case and had taken refuge in his arms. Peter was a good boy he knew a long time and had with him a small but seemed different to him he told her he loved her.  
-Olivia hear me? What's on your mind? -  
Sorry, I'm fine .-  
-Have you talked to him? -  
No, and I do not want to talk about .-

When Olivia arrived there was nobody, the desks were all empty, then went Cragen's office.  
His hand was in the air when the door suddenly opened and Elliot came out: their eyes met briefly but then he just andò.Dopo talking with Cragen, Olivia returned to his desk and what saw the upset:  
Elliot and Peter were talking like old friends.  
During the period he spent with Peter Olivia, Elliot had done nothing but show his displeasure to the man and seemed to go now instead of agreement  
-Hey, Olivia was talking to Elliot .-  
-You told me of your flash back .-  
Elliot-I was about to tell you .-  
Congratulations-I am happy for you, "said Olivia, but knew it was not would never have agreed with Peter.  
-Do not do that I've been busy and then I could not tell you over the phone .-  
-You must not apologize to me in the end none of my business, I have my family to think We can not waste time with these things-now regretted what he had said.  
Here we go again had used his family back to hurt her like the last time they had spoken.  
Peter-I do not have to go back to work by tomorrow evening we have, "said Olivia libera. deciding not to show how the words of Elliot had wounded.  
He could not understand his behavior in the end all these years she had never been put between his family let alone in the relationship with his wife. I had always respected.  
From that day changed their relationship continues to work as a partner but when the time work was finished it was as if he knew.  
Every night Peter came to pick her up: Elliot hated when he kissed her and went off arm in arm: it was really unbearable.

Once again this year as every year in the month of December, the police held a ceremony to celebrate Christmas together.  
Usually he and Olivia were able to avoid this event because they engaged in a difficult case.  
But now there was no case to follow and that is why he was sitting at a table with his colleagues and his wife at his side. Elliot looked around to try to see it but still was to come. The last time he had tried to fill the emptiness of her relationship with Olivia with his wife but could not: every time he hugged and kissed his wife was thinking if she was in the arms of another. Things worse when one evening he found himself kissing his wife thought it would be like kissing Olivia Benson, his partner for a lifetime and these thoughts upset him. The only thing that made him calm was the idea that even if he had thought of doing something improper with  
Olivia she would never leave.  
While he was thinking his heart skip a beat when he saw her go: she was beautiful. 


	3. I am alone

Just entered the room could do with less of looking around, and how she met his eyes, his heart jumped: it was wonderful in that dress, but then his thoughts were interrupted by the sight of the woman at his side .  
He had hoped to clarify the situation with him this evening, but only now realized the presence of his wife.  
-Good evening everybody, "said Olivia as he approached the table and then turned to Kathy said: - Hello how are you Kathy for a while since we've seen. How are the kids .-  
Well, thanks for the thought, "said Kathy  
He-she is Peter's wife Kathy Elliot .-  
-Pleased to meet you. Hey Stabler have a wife so beautiful and hide? "Said Peter jokingly.  
At that moment, the two exchanged a look and read both the discomfort of the other  
Treasury-are you okay? You look away. - Kathy said, sensing something strange.  
How could he explain to his wife that now was no longer able to retain what he felt for the woman who was faced with every day. How could he explain that he had a strong desire to remove the hand that was resting on its side so possessive  
-No, I'm fine-  
Throughout the evening, Elliot could not do less than to secure the two to dance: he held her so strong and she seemed to be happy in the end of each dance he kissed her.  
Olivia looked at Elliot on the other hand all night talking with his wife in a way so sweet that it hurt my heart seeing them so he could not understand why Kathy was so jealous of bottom of her heart she hoped that the jealousy of Kathy had something founded.  
The evening went smoothly until returning from the dance floor Olivia accused a pain in the shoulder-It 's back pain-Peter asked worried.  
-Do not worry it's nothing-will  
Olivia-Hey what happened your man makes you dangerous to play games? "Said Munch.A that line everyone was a bit shocked: Elliot snapped his eyes to see the reaction of Olivia from her eyes would have understood if Munch was right or no.  
Do not be stupid-Munch you and your crazy ideas. It 's just a muscle strain just a massage .-  
-You're right Olivia has happened to me and Elliot proceeded to massage me, "said Kathy with the intent to ease the situation, even though he had done nothing worse  
"Then what are you waiting Stabler do a massage to your partner now or never," said more. Munch  
Stop-said-both  
"Perhaps it is best if you and I go to a giro. us," said Fin.  
As we do not know how the two were alone: they were both uncomfortable silence between them had never been so heavy.  
Elliot suddenly gets up from his seat, took a stool and sits behind Olivia  
-What are you doing?-Olivia asked in a tone alarm  
Shhhh-Relax-telling, and so begins to massage her shoulders.  
The touch of his hands caused many feelings in both: they had never touched that way and even though he knew it was dangerous he could not come off.  
Slowly his hands went up to the neck separate Olivia dropped her head forward: his touch made her shiver  
-Are you cold? "But she said it was unable to speak.  
This was their most intimate moment and irony of the case were surrounded by all the district and beyond.  
-Tell me the truth, Munch is right? -  
-None of your business .-  
Elliot then lowered until it touches the ear with his mouth and said, "Then Benson did not think you liked to do things .-  
-You mean your wife you've never done? -  
-I am not saying this I certainly do not do evil, he continued to whisper in your ear  
-Elliot-Olivia said, unable to resist his touch  
-Tell me the truth, I know Olivia please .-  
Elliot-Stop, please stop we can see .-  
Answer my question-.-  
Elliot-you just do not touch me remember that there is your wife. - The word wife was like a cold shower for Elliot, he had almost forgotten that his wife was there. Now he parted from her and angrily said:  
Olivia Damn-why are you so? .-  
-Like what? -  
-Why do you always talk about her at inopportune moments .-  
-Why do you exist, Elliot, she's always been all these years and not fair and you know it. - Olivia said with sadness  
She was right all these years if he had managed to stay away from Olivia was simply because he was married and would never do something that ruined his marriage.

After what had happened with Elliot, Olivia had such an empty feeling: he had finally realized that she needed him to feel complete and this knowledge made her feel alone because in the end he knew that would never be his. A rebellious tears fell on his face  
-What are you doing out here all alone? .- At the sound of his voice snapped Olivia to meet his eyes, but immediately regretted  
"But you're crying?" What happened? E 'Peter that makes you cry? -  
-It 's nothing I'm fine .-  
-Do not lie -  
-I was just thinking that in reality I am alone I have no one-Elliot  
"Why you talk like you had a fight with Peter? -  
No, at that moment arrived, Kathy Elliot, who said we can go? Eli is crying takes home .-  
"But I -  
Go-no worry I'll well.-Olivia said without looking either  
Olivia-So hello, "said Kathy  
Kathy-night, "said Olivia, Elliot did not say anything just slightly stroked his arm.

Olivia also had asked Peter to come home and was now waiting at the entrance by car  
Elliot-you still here? -  
-Kathy has forgotten one thing after a while of silence .- Elliot said  
-I want to help you tell me what I can do .-  
-You can not do anything I said that I'll be fine .-  
-Olivia is my duty to help. Tell me what I can do .-  
Olivia was staring into his eyes and his sincerity was disarming said it without thinking twice  
-Let your wife and come home with me .- 


	4. Obssession

Let your wife and come home with me  
Let your wife and come home with me  
Since that night Elliot did nothing but think about his words. He had not had the opportunity to talk with her.  
He could not understand why those words, perhaps she felt the same things, maybe she needed him as he with her. These thoughts were the sweeping  
Elliot-you ok? I see something strange has happened?-Asked Kathy  
Well.-I am dry, "said Elliot  
-Are you sure? ... Did you talk to her? -  
-You? ... Who? -  
-Olivia .-  
Olivia-What does it matter now? -  
Well, because of your stuff, talk more with her than with me ...- said Kathy angry  
See Kathy-not in the mood tonight if you want to reopen this discussion again do I go to sleep alone .- and got into the room.

-Benson-  
-Olivia, Hello, I am Kathy-  
-Kathy has something happened? Elliot is returning, went off shortly .-  
-I wanted to ask you something? -  
What-.-  
-Elliot is strange at this time, I've never seen him like this, for if you know something? -  
Kathy-I Feel ..  
No, Olivia, did not understand, I do not want to know what happened, I just know that you know what's wrong and you can help. You know he does not speak with me. It costs me a lot to ask and you know .-  
-The things between me and him are a bit changed but I'll see what I can do .-  
-Thanks .-  
A few moments later the phone rang again Olivia  
-Benson. We'll be right there .-

When Olivia entered the bar recognized him immediately: he was sitting at the bar with an empty glass in his hand.  
He walked over and put his hand on his shoulder. He spun around and said, "What are you doing here? .-  
-He called the bartender took my number from your cell phone believed to be your wife .-  
-You make me company? .-  
- It 's better to go home Elliot you're drunk.  
-How do we explain to Kathy?-He asked  
-You should not take you home I know .-  
Olivia, you have to do this for me .-  
Shhhh-I do not do it for you then think of your children what they would think if you saw in this state?.  
Elliot did not answer but basically ashamed of what he had done: he had given vent to his heart trouble forgetting about his family. And now here he is in the car next to the woman who had caused all this. Olivia Benson, the woman who had put his mind in turmoil, and above all his heart. The woman who could never have because he was married and to make matters worse she now had another next to her  
-Peter will accept what you're doing? - Peter-What does it matter now? -  
-He 'd agree if I come into your apartment?-Elliot asked hesitantly looked vulnerable all because of alcohol.  
-You do not have to worry about anything, and then he is not .-  
When they arrived at her apartment Olivia helped him to sit on the couch because he did not stand up  
Wait here, I am going to change .- Olivia said and went to his room closing the door behind  
After several minutes, Olivia came out of his room, but Elliot was not in the living room. Olivia heard noises from the kitchen and went to check: Elliot found himself drinking a beer.  
"But you do not have enough," said as he walked to the sink  
-You want some, "said Elliot handed her her bottle  
Olivia the bottle away in disgust and said, "Stop it stinks of alcool.-Elliot then took the bottle from his hands.  
Elliot was really angry "But who do you think you are? -  
"I am only one you have avoided being arrested for being drunk and now you do not mind if I go to sleep you can stay on the couch until you will pass the hangover. - He said and walked out of the kitchen but the Elliot grabbed his arm and stopped near the fridge  
-What are you doing?-Asked Olivia  
Ti-I suck it? "Said he continued to tighten its strong wrists  
Elliot-stop! -  
Admit it-you wanted to be with someone else at the moment. - He said angrily  
Elliot -why are you so inspired you to reduce you Like this-Their eyes met and Olivia saw the anger that continued to grow in him  
Elliot-Talk to me I want to help. - Said softly, with the intention of doing so calm. But his attempt failed miserably. His words had done nothing but anger him more.  
-Will you help me? And tell me how you can do if you are the cause of all this? -  
-What are you talking about?-Asked terrified. How could she be the cause of so much pain  
"Why did you ask me to leave to be with you? Eh! So what do you say my dear Olivia Benson?" Said Elliot closer and closer to his face close to Olivia 


	5. Awareness

Olivia could not believe his ears he was there only inches from her accusing her of having caused so much pain. What could he do to get out of this situation. She had said those words because really wanted to happen, but how could he explain it?. While looking for an excuse credible saw Elliot's face turn pale, then he went out shooting and ran to the bathroom.  
When Olivia joined him found him crouching on the floor while puking The hurt him so, but how could he tell him that he had fallen in love with him. He was married with five children, could not do it.  
-Are you feeling better?-Churches sitting on the edge of the tub  
-What do you think? "Said Elliot  
-It 's better if you go to lie down a bit on the couch, I prepare a cup of coffee. -  
-I just want to sit still and hope that this headache away. - Elliot said, leaning his head on the legs of Olivia and closing his eyes.  
They remained in that position for several minutes then Olivia decided it was better for him to rest a bit  
Then go to the Elliot-I'll help you .-  
Excuse me-first I did not want to hurt you .-  
"But what do you mean? .-  
- At the wrist ... I was embarrassed, "said duro.-I did not mean it's just that ... I ...-  
- Come on get up or let you spend the night on the ground .-  
Olivia helped him settle on the couch and then let him rest, shut himself in his room while thinking about everything that had happened finally realized that perhaps he too has feelings for her, why else had touched her in that way to the dinner and because he was so shocked by his request.  
This new idea made her happy on one side and at the same time was terrified that he might decide he could no longer work with her and so would have lost forever. With these thoughts he fell asleep

The sound of a phone made her wake up a couple of hours later: it was Elliot's phone ringing in the living room. She took him to see if it was his wife but Cragen  
Elliot's late-wake up! Elliot! .- Said shaking him lightly on the shoulder  
-Olivia are you? "Said without opening his eyes he did not know if he was dreaming or not  
-It is me who should I be? "You're sleeping on my couch .-  
When he opened his eyes he remembered what had happened the night before, then looked into her eyes and said, "Sorry I thought I dreaming .-  
-Because I dream?-Asked incredulously, but Elliot decided not to answer  
-What time is it? -  
-It 's late, why not call your wife will be worried. Your phone rang so many times. - Said Olivia  
Elliot just nodded even though he had a great desire to hear his wife. He did not know what to say, had never lied, but this time it was because he could never tell her where he was actually at this moment in the middle of the night.  
Olivia Elliot picked up the phone and passed it to him then got up and said, "I'll leave you alone .-  
But Elliot grabbed her by the hand and made her sit beside him again-remains-

-Ready-  
-Kathy, am I? -  
Elliot-but where did you go? I called you on the phone, are you okay? I was worried. Alarmed voice, "said Kathy  
Sorry-I know I was engaged in a phone interview I had with me. The children are all right? -  
-Yes, you are alone?-Kathy also asked if he knew the answer  
No, you should know. - Elliot said, annoyed by the question of his wife  
-C 'is she with you? -  
- Yes - Elliot said looking at Olivia. She could not hear what he said but he knew that Kathy was talking about her.  
-As usual. - Kathy whispered  
-Do not start with this business you know ...-  
-What time do you?-Interrupted abruptly  
-I do not know-  
Well then, we feel, I love you .-  
Here he had said and what he should do now: If you did not answer his wife would be suspicious and if it meets Olivia was hurt. But why had asked her to stay there  
- Anch 'Jn-whispered and hung up  
-She was angry?-Asked Olivia  
-She hates my job .-  
Elliot-she loves you and cares about you. - Olivia said. After a while of silence he spoke again - now you know he called me asked me to be near you because you were weird. - He said without looking in his eyes.  
-And you? What did you say?-Asked Elliot  
"Well you see ... I ... I did not know ...- Olivia could not find the right words, I told you I would help .-  
"Then why do not you? -  
-What do you mean?-Asked suspiciously  
-Why do not you help me by answering my question first .-  
Elliot, what can I say, I was drunk I did not even know why I told you that thing. - Olivia said, looking down  
- From Olivia inventane an 'other. We are partners for over ten years, I know you and I can assure you that you were not drunk. - His voice was low and quiet it seemed that the same plea to be honest.  
-Elliot does not do it .-  
-What? -  
-Do not force me to tell you. - Whispered as he tried not to cry.  
He did not know why but she was frightened by the situation: she was sure that if she confessed that she loves him he would leave her alone, and not just tonight but for ever.  
- I just need to understand. I need to know they are not the only .-  
She kept shaking her head to say no - do not be afraid Olivia .-  
Elliot-You do not understand you are the most important person in my life ...- he said as the tears flowed unchecked from the eyes. Seeing her cry Elliot, without warning, grabbed her and held her in a warm embrace Shhhh, do not cry, it hurts to see you so he whispered in the ear-  
-I can not miss, "said Elliot and began to sob.  
Elliot had never seen her like she was always trying not to show up fragile. Now sobbing in his arms for more to blame.  
-Sorry I did not want to hurt you. Am I selfish, I just thought to my feelings. - Said Elliot and Olivia was beginning to calm down.  
Olivia comes off a bit from him to look into his eyes: he was crying. The moment their eyes met both realized that what binds them is love. -Sorry. - Elliot whispered.  
Olivia stroked his cheek, wiping away a tear, I know enough that you promise me you'll stay always by my side. I know that you can not leave, do not you ever ask, I ask only to continue to be my friend .-  
Elliot year-I need you know it?-Said  
"And I need you," said Olivia.  
At that time Elliot had wanted so much to kiss her and hugged her, but it would be worse later. With what they had said they had done nothing but say that their love for there was never a happy ending.  
He had his wife with her children Olivia and Peter had in his future.  
After nearly an hour when both were calm knew it was time to return to reality and to put aside their feelings.  
"Then I'll see you at work," said Elliot on his way home  
- See you tomorrow. - Said Olivia

END

I hope you enjoyed. Let me know what you think  
THANKS 


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